Friday, November 10, 2006

Who's watching you...

My life as an undercover police officer has been based on years of blending into the background and remaining as unobtrusive as possible.

The above photograph was taken at the last major synod of the Church of England. I attended as a nun with the Catholic delegation. Note the collection of tinned foods for the unfortunates of the third world. Desmond TuTu kindly donated thirty tins of pineapple chunks. A lovely man indeed.

During a brief investigation of the paranormal I was disguised as an orb, although I was briefly caught on camera once and a viewer Britney Spears of Malibu Beach, Ca. phoned in to say she'd glimpsed me as a shadow during a live programme. She claimed it was Webcam 3, in the doorway.

Other disguises have required great ingenuity so as to avoid drawing attention to myself. At the above rally of the militant branch of the Young Conservative's I was very nearly outed as a non-member. After a short but impassioned speech about the Vikings, immigration, removal of speed cameras and freedom of the roads plus a nod to fox hunting, I was enrolled in the 'Boris Johnson Appreciation Society'. That took some explaining to my chief super I can tell you, especially as I had enrolled under the name of Anthony Blair.

Here I am keeping an eye on that radical terrorist organisation The RSPB (Radical Socialist People of Barking...this talk of bird protection doesn't fool us) especially it's ruthless hippie leader Bill Oddie.
So you can sleep safe in your beds at night knowing we are out there protecting your interests unless you happen to be a flag burning which case we are watching you!


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