Ain't love sweet...
Picture the scene....
It's 2.30 a.m. I am roused from sleep by noise outside our bedroom window on the street outside. I awake and I can hear the dog growling downstairs. Two people are arguing loudly and as I move into consciousness, no it's not the dream about Patricia Hewitt and plastic explosives for plastic people, this is happening outside.
Bugger! I've left the window open on a Sunday night.
The voices are those of a drunken man and woman. They aren't talking, they are SHOUTING VERY LOUDLY!!!
M - "I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE THE BEST"
W - COME BACK WITH ME, COME ON AND HAVE A DRINK".
M - "NO, YOU'RE DRUNK".
W - "I'M NOT DRUNK...I'VE ONLY HAD A FEW GLASSES".
M - "NO, YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC...I KNOW CAUSE I'M ONE".
W - "FUCK OFF, I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I DON'T FUCKING DRINK A LOT. FUCK OFF".
M - "YOU DO, YOU'RE ALWAYS DRUNK...EVERY DAY YOU'RE DRUNK".
W - "YOU CAN FUCK OFF KEN. I'M NOT A DRUNK. IF YOU HAD MY LIFE YOU CUNT YOU'D HAVE A DRINK. I'VE HAD SHIT ALL MY LIFE SO YOU CAN FUCK OFF, YOU'RE NOT COMING HOME WITH ME".
M - "I'M GOING HOME ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE LIKE THIS, ALWAYS PISSED. YOU'RE IN THE PUB EVERY DAY".
This continues for several more minutes and far from going to the window to tell them to take it elsewhere, I now want to hear the outcome. The shouting continues as Jane and Ken (names have been acquired) move away in different directions until...
J - "KEN. KEN. GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING MOBILE. YOU'VE GOT MY FUCKING MOBILE".
K - "NO I HAVEN'T...CHECK YOUR JACKET".
J - (Wails)"WHERE'S MY JACKET...KEN, I'VE LOST MY FUCKING JACKET. KEN...DON'T GO. HELP ME FIND MY JACKET. I LOVE YOU...I KNOW YOU PAY ME...DON'T GO.......FUCK OFF THEN YOU CUNT".
K - (Voice fades in the distance)"You know I love you but you're an alcoholic. I'm off".
Silence....
I'm now wide awake at 3 a.m. and I was still awake at 5 a.m. Thanks Ken and Jane for the street theatre but next Sunday I will ensure the window is shut. Thank the gods I am off work today.
It's 2.30 a.m. I am roused from sleep by noise outside our bedroom window on the street outside. I awake and I can hear the dog growling downstairs. Two people are arguing loudly and as I move into consciousness, no it's not the dream about Patricia Hewitt and plastic explosives for plastic people, this is happening outside.
Bugger! I've left the window open on a Sunday night.
The voices are those of a drunken man and woman. They aren't talking, they are SHOUTING VERY LOUDLY!!!
M - "I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE THE BEST"
W - COME BACK WITH ME, COME ON AND HAVE A DRINK".
M - "NO, YOU'RE DRUNK".
W - "I'M NOT DRUNK...I'VE ONLY HAD A FEW GLASSES".
M - "NO, YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC...I KNOW CAUSE I'M ONE".
W - "FUCK OFF, I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I DON'T FUCKING DRINK A LOT. FUCK OFF".
M - "YOU DO, YOU'RE ALWAYS DRUNK...EVERY DAY YOU'RE DRUNK".
W - "YOU CAN FUCK OFF KEN. I'M NOT A DRUNK. IF YOU HAD MY LIFE YOU CUNT YOU'D HAVE A DRINK. I'VE HAD SHIT ALL MY LIFE SO YOU CAN FUCK OFF, YOU'RE NOT COMING HOME WITH ME".
M - "I'M GOING HOME ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE LIKE THIS, ALWAYS PISSED. YOU'RE IN THE PUB EVERY DAY".
This continues for several more minutes and far from going to the window to tell them to take it elsewhere, I now want to hear the outcome. The shouting continues as Jane and Ken (names have been acquired) move away in different directions until...
J - "KEN. KEN. GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING MOBILE. YOU'VE GOT MY FUCKING MOBILE".
K - "NO I HAVEN'T...CHECK YOUR JACKET".
J - (Wails)"WHERE'S MY JACKET...KEN, I'VE LOST MY FUCKING JACKET. KEN...DON'T GO. HELP ME FIND MY JACKET. I LOVE YOU...I KNOW YOU PAY ME...DON'T GO.......FUCK OFF THEN YOU CUNT".
K - (Voice fades in the distance)"You know I love you but you're an alcoholic. I'm off".
Silence....
I'm now wide awake at 3 a.m. and I was still awake at 5 a.m. Thanks Ken and Jane for the street theatre but next Sunday I will ensure the window is shut. Thank the gods I am off work today.
posted by delcatto at 3:51 pm
2 Comments:
...and they say romance is dead
Erm ... Jane here ... sorry about that ... I was a teensy bit pissed ... but I am not an alcoholic ... I found my jacket ... it was in The Bull's Head ... Alex from The Star and Garter had brought it in because he thought I might be in there ... Susie from The Railway picked it up from The Highwayman because I was in there early doors. But ... I am not an alcoholic ... that Ken though, I love him ... but he's a right cunt! Fat git.
Am off to The Wet Whistle now, to drown my sorrows. Coz I have had a shit life.
We are having a house party this Saturday. You are more than welcome. Bring your own booze though, I am not a fucking charity!
Jane
xx
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