Sunday, November 26, 2006

Beta buggered...

Bear with me as I have just changed to Blogger Beta. I've lost my photo and despite numerous attempts I can't yet download it. So I am going to fiddle about with it once No.1 has completed his homework (He needs the PC).

Saturday, November 25, 2006


No1 has discovered the iniquities of capitalism. He had a small pile of old playstation games and I accompanied him to cash converters so that he could sell them and join his mates at the cinema later. I explained that he was wildly optimistic in his expectations and sadly I was proved right.
"£5.50! Is that all...I'm not selling to those thieves".
After he had walked out with a grumble on his lips and darkness in his eyes, he changed his mind halfway home and wanted to return for the money. Bearing in mind that the rain had changed from a slight drizzle to monsoon, I was rapidly losing patience. We returned and the shop assistant welcomed us back. What surprised me was the request for ID, a photo taken of myself, etc...
"I'm selling you some old playstation games, not buying an airline ticket to New York".
"It's standard policy sir to protect against stolen goods".
"I'm a pretty sad burglar if I nick some old games and ignore the jewellery".
"People aren't always what they seem sir".

I'd like to say I proved I was not what I appeared to be by my turning into a werewolf and ripping his head off...sadly, I am exactly what I seemed and collected the money for my glowering teenage son who will undoubtedly turn to Marxism and the politics of the Kalashnikov. Alternatively, he'll hang with his mates and slag off the system whilst he assimilates the techniques of ripping off the poor and downtrodden.
A salutary lesson for him but another piece of his youthful innocence removed.


Friday, November 24, 2006


Yep...I've had a day away from being the doctors handmaiden and I have been imbibing at the fount of PC knowledge. Well, learning how to use one of our systems so that when our secretary is on leave at least one of us will know how to switch it on.
"Oooh! Magickal box".
The day along with two of my colleagues turned out to be a good one with an excellent trainer and two attractive chavettes receptionists as fellow pupils. We managed a tour of Boston courtesy of 'We're Lost' Tours but we arrived more or less on time.

The journey there and back was relatively quick and hassle free including our delivery of essential NHS supplies to A&E. I think the governments new policy of earning extra cash for the NHS is a surefire winner. Paramedics delivering pizzas between callouts and the extra cash can fund more Emergency Pizza practitioners.

Cheese toasties using defibs;ice creams during the summer with 'Blues and Greensleeves'; the list is endless and that's only the paramedics. Toneless Blur and his cronies believe there are too many doctors and nurses so I am sure we could be suitably occupied. We could offer hotel services, dog walking, nannying asbo families, etc...Oops! I've strayed into soapbox corner again.

Boston itself was glimpsed only briefly during our lunchbreak as we delivered leaflets advertising our local hospital services which offer competitive prices compared with all those other local hospitals....Nope! I've not found them either, but if we are to advertise our services then there must surely be other competitors out there...
Anyway, I'll have to pop down again to Boston and do the touristy bit; see the Stump and other delights of Boston. There is a large Portuguese community in Boston so culture and restaurants come to mind. After all, the vindaloo was a Portuguese invention. Did they also invent the portaloo?
I'm away for another cuppa so TTFN.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Phew! Work took an interesting turn over the past few days and I have reacquainted myself with our friends the childrens team because of concerns we had. When kids are involved the phones , fax, emails, overtime and we work our arses off at double time. Needless to say our work receives little recognition and joe public continues to slag off mental health workers. So I am tired but I have a warm glow about me which will get warmer when I add beer tonight.
I tried some new bottled ales on Monday: Wold Top 'Mars Magic' and 'Wold Gold'.Sadly not bottled conditioned but excellent all the same and I shall be buying more as they're also on offer at Asda. But tonight I have an old faithful in a bottle of Old Peculier which I am allowing it time in the kitchen and savouring the moment of opening. For more information on real ales and a portal to the delights of real ale I can recommend the site Beermad as well as Camra. Go on, check it know you really want to. It'll save you from the joyless existence of crap lager drinking. Don't get me started on smooth beers... a betrayal of all that is truly holy. Peter Kay, hang your head in shame and weep for your intransigence. As for Guinness...try the bottled 'Foreign Extra Stout' brewed in Nigeria at 7.5% ABV and you will never buy the draught stuff again without remembering the taste of a real stout. Mind you, Bateman's 'Salem Porter' is delicious and as a local beer I recommend you try that as well.
This weekend, yes another weekend off, I'll be dusting off the 'brewery' and finally making up 40 pints of 'Tom Caxton's' real ale. A Christmas present from last year and I finally get around to brewing. I should have it ready in time for the festivities although my last effort a last year at a mild went slightly wrong. The beer was finally ready to drink three months later than intended as I pitched the yeast at too low a temperature. I would like to have a go at proper brewing and there are courses at Brewlab. One can also buy small brewing kits that fit in a small garage. I'll keep doing the lottery because you never know...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Weekend R & R.

This weekend is just what the doctor and recuperation as well as fighting supervillains. The mutt has had her legs walked off her and I have laaazed about, in between cleaning up the place, shopping, fixing skateboards, dogwalking, cooking Sunday lunch, etc... It's quite odd wandering around town and observing the madness of Christmas shopping. I haven't done any yet although we have had the turkey sitting in the freezer for the past five weeks. No1 had his main present early (drumkit) but we'll buy several smaller things for him to unwrap and I have a fair idea what others want. I have volunteered to work an early shift on Christmas day and I'm on call for the occasion so an alcohol free few days over the festive period. I am saving it all for the new year party. But it does amaze me as I watch people stock up for the siege festivities. Have they all got extended families spanning four generations and are the shops really closing for two weeks? Only that could explain the madness, panic and fear of the shoppers I saw yesterday.
Five weeks to go....

"Don't panic! Don't panic!"

For me the main point of celebrating Christmas is time spent with the family. Having lapsed as a Catholic far too many years ago, although I do like the Christmas carols, I enjoy it all as a festival of light, warmth and celebration of life with family and friends. I gave up the Christmas rush years ago and just take it in my stride...I also like the various Christmas beers on offer as well as the annual argument about the gender of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, always a favourite quiz question!

Listening to...Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Siamo i campioni!

I had the pint last night and we won at the quiz...smartarses r us!
I think the low fat diet robbed me of my ability to rememberize things, as George W. would put it. So a couple of nice juicy bangers with mash set me up...and the few pints of Fugelstou 'Northway IPA'.

Now I have the weekend to play with...all mine. If the rain holds off (yes, I got soaked this afternoon walking Rover) a couple of walks are called for and planning for Christmas. I used to do the lazy secularist approach by calling it 'Xmas', but since the pc brigade enjoy attacking all forms of western Christianity, I make an effort to spell it out in full. I just need a Christmas card with nativity scenes and Pooh ambling along with Piglet to really get their* backs up.Sadly, for the sake of reality we can't have Piglet at the nativity scene because Jesus, Mary and Joseph were Jewish. Piglet's also playing panto at Maidenhead so is unavailable.

As for my favourite character from Pooh...


*The imaginary mixed race one legged lesbian social worker in Camden Council dungarees covered in red stars and ready to deliver the UK to Moscow so beloved of 'Daily Mail'readers. Some of the most pc people I have met are white liberal middle-class university educated who have had a humour bypass operation and try oh so hard to prove their pc credentials by inflicting their nonsense on the rest of us in the real world.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Black dog....

The above shows where I am currently. So some cheerful pics to lighten the heart and warm ones cockles...move grandad away from the brazier.

Yes, there was a summer.

Courtesy of The Septuagenarian.

The changing colours of autumn.

Ah well....I can have a pint at the weekend on my next day off.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Questions to ponder whilst waiting in the checkout queue.

Do Aeros float on water?
Do cats display racism?
If Hitler had only one ball, which one was missing?
Do sleepless sheep imagine humans jumping over gates ?
Do Koala bears get colds?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Who's watching you...

My life as an undercover police officer has been based on years of blending into the background and remaining as unobtrusive as possible.

The above photograph was taken at the last major synod of the Church of England. I attended as a nun with the Catholic delegation. Note the collection of tinned foods for the unfortunates of the third world. Desmond TuTu kindly donated thirty tins of pineapple chunks. A lovely man indeed.

During a brief investigation of the paranormal I was disguised as an orb, although I was briefly caught on camera once and a viewer Britney Spears of Malibu Beach, Ca. phoned in to say she'd glimpsed me as a shadow during a live programme. She claimed it was Webcam 3, in the doorway.

Other disguises have required great ingenuity so as to avoid drawing attention to myself. At the above rally of the militant branch of the Young Conservative's I was very nearly outed as a non-member. After a short but impassioned speech about the Vikings, immigration, removal of speed cameras and freedom of the roads plus a nod to fox hunting, I was enrolled in the 'Boris Johnson Appreciation Society'. That took some explaining to my chief super I can tell you, especially as I had enrolled under the name of Anthony Blair.

Here I am keeping an eye on that radical terrorist organisation The RSPB (Radical Socialist People of Barking...this talk of bird protection doesn't fool us) especially it's ruthless hippie leader Bill Oddie.
So you can sleep safe in your beds at night knowing we are out there protecting your interests unless you happen to be a flag burning which case we are watching you!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Thoughts of buttered crumpets...

Gratuitous photo of Molly, the 'old lady' amongst our three felines. She is small, brown, scared of her own shadow and loves the outdoors until the cold weather arrives.Then we have the problem of removing her from the in to outdoors. Her favourite trick is to put her paw out to prompt you into:
a) Pet me.
b) Feed me.
c) let me in /out/do this small something for me...
d) Pet me.

She is a little sweetie and is Mrs.C's favourite given that Mog sprays despite having had his nadgers removed and Tigger is a noisy bugger. I just like all cats and I am only stopped from acquiring more by threats of denadgering applied to myself by Mrs.C. We believe Molly may be 8 years old but we really don't know. She also pads in slow motion hence her other name of Slomo.

Healthwise - better today and I am a happier more to bore you with.

We are venturing out over the next couple of days in search of a wood/ multifuel burner. I have trawled the net and educated myself from a variety of sites re. woodburners, quality of woods, yurts, etc...This site I love. The fireplace is fairly big and there are some lovely old Edwardian (?) tiles which Mrs.C will clean up.

Here are some of the ones we have a hankering for although I do like the following narrowboat model...

Mrs.C's verdict..."It's ugly". So that's a no then.
However, it doesn't need to be too big, we would like to see flames and money is a big factor. For the ecologically concerned amongst you, the following link. I can't really be arsed explaining why We want a woodburner except to state humanity's fascination with fire over the last few millenia....and crumpets/ toast/ warmth when the electric and gas prices continue to rise.
"Audrey m'dear, throw another politician on the fire...go at him with the poker dear, they can't have enough of that as they slowly burn. It doesn't matter what party, they are all oleaginous and full of wind".
Needless to say, the animals will be congregating in front of it from the moment it is fired up. For any Lightning fans out there, we are orf to Binbrook.
Rather exposed and windy up there as I recall from many visits...and a noticeable lack of public transport but lovely people live there.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


No health discussions today...I'll suffer in silence. Sniff.

Public Announcement: For all of you fucking idiots and accidents of birth out there...November 5th has been and gone. My dog and three cats would now like a quiet night without a re-enactment of the battle of Stalingrad. The cats are ok..ish but the dog is a neurotic wreck. So fucking stop it now you twats.

I've done the various things recommended: keep 'em in, turn the radio on and play music to cover the noise up, maintain a nice, calm atmosphere and appropriate reassurance. All of this done over the past few days but surely now the fun is over. If they like loud bangs and pyrotechnics, I'm sure the army could offer plenty in Afghanistan or Iraq for their entertainment.
To keep me going over the past week, when I've been awake that is (sleeping for England)I've read books and listened to the radio. But I have also watched my fair share of daytime TV. Yesterday I counted seven separate loan companies amongst the adverts for funeral plans and home/car/alien abduction insurance. A great indicator of the current financial climate and, although some people are having a great time, many are struggling. I heard on the radio how in ten years time first time buyers could well be looking at one million pound mortgages. Hmmm...I'm not too sure about that but currently many first time buyers are struggling to buy. Bankruptcies are up, defaults on mortgages have increased, unemployment is not looking too good.From a worst case scenario we could be looking at societal pyrotechnics in a few years time when a recession is combined with 'The war on terror', immigration and the implosion of the NHS and the welfare system. It is hard to predict how society will look in twenty years time...not like those 'Tomorrow's World' programmes predicted although being beamed to work would be useful. We could live wherever we wished; bags I Trinidad, beaming to work in a matter of seconds.

Do the honours Scotty.

As an aside I remember years ago working on an inner city psychiatric ward and one of our patients was Captain James T.Kirk. He even had a home made uniform and had changed his name by deed poll. At a mental health review tribunal he produced a 'communicator' and ordered Scotty to beam him up. He blamed Klingon interference for his imprisonment hence no response from the Enterprise. Oddly enough he'd acquired his new persona a number of years after his initial breakdown. Certainly a better way for a sensitive soul to cope with the stresses and strains of life rather than chase power and use it to destroy others. The last time I met him he had become Admiral Kirk. I bet he doesn't worry about a mortgage, not when you are wrestling with the problems of the Romulans up tp their old tricks.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

This is turning into a medical blog where I whinge about my health problems.
Mrs.C has ordered me to the GP tomorrow as my throat is swollen as are my lymph glands and I still feel cold and shivery. I checked out NHS direct whose advice is to contact your doctor. So I will although I am still hoping/ praying this'll be gone in the morning and I can trot off to work.
One bright spot today...Spurs beat Chelsea. Woot! and Woo!
I am off to bed for another sleepless night.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


I am in that curious state of 'existence'...recovering from illness yet not quite well enough;Limbo. I had a pretty good day what with shopping, attending to the fire place in the front room now revealed with the removal of the delightful period gas fire, watching Wales v Oz draw at rugby ,plus a couple of pints of Brakspear Bitter before having a naughty fry up. All in all a good day and I felt really quite chipper.
This evening...achey, shivery and feeling very cold. I am wrapped up in a hat, scarf and wearing several layers with the central heating going. WTF is going on? Colds are supposed to last a few days and then go. Ten frigging days and still going strong, coughing, spluttering and sneezing plus all of the afore mentioned. I shall undoubtedly be well by Monday when I return to work feeling refreshed!


Never mind...England v The All Blacks tomorrow!

Thursday, November 02, 2006


Yesterday we ventured forth to the land of the Goths...Visi or Ostro I know not. The weather man promised "a few showers on the coast" so we wrapped up warm. It poured down on the way to Whitby; it poured down whilst we played at tourists and it bucketed down during our return via the North Yorks Moors. The wind also blew with great gusto.
Apart from the weather we had a marvellous time. Loys of walking although we could not go into the abbey itself (essential repairs). We enjoyed the seaviews and looking around the boats and local shops. No.1 son enjoyed it so much he wants us to go there for a holiday next summer. We will certainly go there for another day out next spring when there is more daylight and it is hopefully dry and warm.

We saw a few Goths out shopping and pottering around as well as plenty of sightseers and photographers with 'proper' cameras to shoot the views. We also bumped into an old friend whom we would certainly not have expected to see in Whitby. It is a small world indeed. I would like to say it was an atmospheric place, but on a wet and windy bright day any atmosphere will have been blown away. I guess you would have to be there for a misty autumnal evening, with the shadows lengthening and unseen figures imagined in dark corners. I certainly think a weeks stay there would be needed to do the place justice. Lots of walking and I'd love to visit the moors again.We could also venture out to sea on one of the smaller boats.
I'm afraid it is that time again...paying bills.