Friday, April 27, 2007

Pound of salt...

'Tis the day of remuneration...and what exciting goodies are we off to buy?
A new toaster as ours died yesterday. Exquisite timing doncha think?

As I have said previously, I am a mere conduit for the transfer of funds from my employer to various robbing bastards.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Nowt for owt...

A day of doing little apart from dog walking, Radio 3 and reading. A break from studying as well as work.
I received a letter from Virgin Media telling me I have been underpaying my account for some time but, "because it is our fault you do not have to pay anything extra and your next bill will be amended to rectify this mistake on our part". So what have I not been paying for?
Broadband? Cable? Telephone? Alas, I am kept in the dark and I have to await the excitement of the next bill.
What is remarkable is that I may have received something for nothing, truly a first for me. Having said that, I was once given a car for nothing...a Ford Fiesta Gratis. Despite being an old banger with bluetack and sellotape extras, I really liked that car. The passenger door fell off once but it quickly fitted back into place. The stereo worked intermittently but everything else worked: wipers, lights, indicators, cold running water and silence when the radio sulked in it's hole in the fascia. It had character and was a wonderful gesture from a lovely person when we didn't have a motor. Without a car and despite my desire to have green credentials, I resorted to walking and cycling because the buses often had the very people you would cross the road to avoid. Yoofs smoking weed because 'it's my rights, innit?' on the top deck;drunks who spotted you as their newest best pal; elderly ladies who smelt strongly of tom cats and incontinence and,worst of all,waiting in the pouring rain for the bus only to eventually realize it had gone earlier and you have a very long wait. At least on the bike I might get wet but I often beat the bus to my destination.
However, we could be heading that way again with the need to reduce carbon emissions, oil running out and a need for alternative transport. I don't mind so long as I can work nearer home and showers are provided at work. It's one thing to drive 80-90 miles on my visits over several hours....but cycling the same. I don't think so. We could have a horse and cart to visit people in the community, collecting rags and bones as well as delivering the milk.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Going local in....

Yesterdays post got me thinking about locals I have known and drunk in over the years.One local was called 'The Winchester' and it looked just like the pub in 'Shaun of the Dead'(it's changed for the better from this review). That was during my lapse from the path of righteousness that is real ale. I drank Foster's or Newcastle Brown for my sins. It was a dreadful pub with one saving was 500 yards from my front door. Truth to tell I also drank at two or three others along the Archway Road which did sell real ale and if I had the energy I would walk to them. I decided to look them up on the net...big mistake. They've all been renamed and are totally changed.This one was great for beer and a choice of 40+ whiskies where I introduced a German friend to it. I cannot for the life of me remember the pubs original name but I certainly remember the Woodman. The pool room was spliff city and for the memorable night the Travellers decided to fight the locals. The men carried on playing cards and the Traveller women started brawling. The only pub along the entire length of the Archway Road that allowed them in until that particular night. Another pub was Denis Neilson's local just off the back of Muswell Hill 'The Royal Oak' but we were rowdy teenage bikers into heavy metal and punk so he gave us a wide berth I'm pleased to say. The night the chicken was released into the pub was the last straw so we had to find a new local.
Hornsey and Crouch End had no end of pubs but my first local when 16 was 'The Three Compasses' and I'm pleased to see it in the Camra Good Beer Guide 2007 289.

Enough now because I am now thirsty and a cold beer awaits me.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Yesterday evening's celebration was tip top. The grub was good and the beer from Batemans was excellent, especially the 'Salem Porter' which went down exceedingly well...a little too easily perhaps. That and some free beer which was eagerly accepted contributed to it. We also won prizes at the quiz and I am wearing mine as I type....No, not a tutu but a tee shirt advertising the brewery. Some good music was played and thanks are due to landlord Dave for the above. I'm told he was smiling this morning so it was definitely a good night.
I remember years ago at my local in East Finchley a Guinness evening was on with prizes, gifts and cheap Guinness. Yes, I am a whore for free beer* and I went along. Some attractive young Guinness ladies and free beer because the turn out was one man and his dog, so they ended up giving the beer away. Try to imagine a pub where the clientele were a mixture of English, Irish, Indians and Japanese. Yes...Karaoke Dubliners as the black stuff flowed freely and liberally. The Fields of Athenry sung by students from Kyoto will burn brightly in my memory banks for years to come.
Supertramp playing as I 'scribble' away at the keyboard and I am contemplating a cuppa. Time Team special on tonight so I'm like a pig in the proverbial.


*Except for piss poor lagers brewed under contract over here.

Monday, April 23, 2007

There be dragons...

I'm feeling Tiggerish...too much caffeine. Mrs.C. ground some expresso coffee for me and possibly over did the amount needed. It had the consistency of treacle, very black and extremely strong. My head now hurts and buzz, buzz, buzzy...

No dragons spotted today and very few flags out. The usual tripe spouted on radio shows about celebrating culture or not as the case may be.

Bugger the miserable tossers with a blunt pole. Whether your roots in this country go back one or twenty one generations, raise a glass and enjoy yourself....preferably with a real ale or a nice glass of wine.


Sunday, April 22, 2007

Oh no! I've gorn and sold out to the devil.
I bought a copy of the 'Maul on Sunday' for a free copy of 'Tubular bells' which is blasting out of the speakers as I pen my confession to my heinous crime.
I'd forgotten about the Klingon 'singing' by Vivian Stanshall on part two.
Absolutely wonderful, so much so I shall play it again.
Home from work and a delicious sunday roast courtesy of Mrs.C. and a delightfully hot shower. Up at the crack to discover no hot water or heating because the boiler had packed in again. I bravely splashed cold water over the bits that matter prior to work. The team consisted of me for a couple of hours this morning....responsible for the mental health of 500 square miles and all of the inhabitants contained therein. The power could have gone right to my head so I chose to use that power wisely....tea and paperwork, plus more tea.
However, I am now on my hols and I am looking forward to St George's day tomorrow. Beer, bangers and music at me local all in celebration of the Saint George himself.
I'm orf to help No.1 son with his maths homework.
n.b. I hadn't realised that fractions could lead to fractious behaviour or that working out 'The Mean' would lead to accusations of my being mean....ho hum.

Friday, April 20, 2007

"Essay, essay, essay....My dog's got no nose".

Woot and flaming whoo! With great big shiny knobs on.
After a lot of hard work yesterday I planned to have a lie-in today.
Bing! I awoke at 05.30 and what with the dog needing a pee, cats flying around the place and my first thoughts about the essay TMA for the OU, I was wide awake.
So much for a few extra zed's. Moi...worried?
On the plus side, the essay completed and posted off by midday. Not perfect but I am just pleased to have it done and another milestone passed. Now I have the rest of the day free and I am at a loss as to what to do.
1. I have no money.
2. I am tired and lacking in energy having walked the mutt several miles this a.m.
3. ...still no money.
4. The moon's square to Jupiter.
5. The sun's gone behind big clouds.
There is a nice pile of DVD's some of which I haven't yet watched so I guess that'll do for me.

n.b. "How does she smell?"

Thursday, April 19, 2007

A breather between essay compilation/ writing....halfway through it but I am sure over the next couple of days it will be amended/reconfigured/sworn at/threatened with fire. Bloody hell, it don't 'arf take over your life.
To add to the general confusion, I found out yesterday via a colleague who found out via a friend that the courses we applied for, in my case five years ago, have been approved. I can apparently start the course in September...but I don't know which course! Hopefully I will learn more this afternoon....the cogs can grind exceedingly slowly in the NHS but five years....
Fingers crossed....experiences of MH care in Trinidad with a six month placement....perleeeese.
Back to the motley.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Well that was a delightful few days off.
I did bugger all except for gardening, studying and catching the rays when they didst appear.
Sadly, I am back to the motley tomorrow.
I also have just over a week to write up the next TMA (essay outside of the OU) so I shall be absent from the blog apart from the occasional brief foray. Back to reading 'David Copperfield' in the sunshine and a cold beer.

Here's something to make you smile.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Eyes caramba...

This is the view from behind my eyelids having had only 3 hours sleep in the last 36 hours. A late shift with a call out overnight to assess some poor unfortunate and thence onto an early shift and I am hallucinating. I keep seeing cats which aren't there when I look for them....unless those bloody felines that deign to live with us are winding me up. I'd keep my eye on them but they keep bloody moving....the bastards.
Wandering around Sodsbury's I felt as tho' I was walking in slow motion only to discover I was, with a beatific smile on me mush. No wonder the checkout girl was quick to process me through her till. Still, speakers set to 11 and No.1 out at his mates house, lots of seventies music blasting out including plenty of Bowie (Life on Mars....I remember 1973 and it was a shit year from what I recall of it!) and a bit of cheesy disco...wonderful.
Why is it when one is exhausted one's bones ache?
Only one cure and it involves a peculier approach...a lovely bottle of the stuff.
Ooh! Buzzcocks now and....have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldnt've?
Ramones and X-Ray Spex next!
I'm orf to neck that bottle and then I'll collapse in a heap somewhere.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Eggs acting weekend...

A bank holiday weekend and I have been working....yes, four whole days for the religious to pray and fall to their knees. Four whole days for many to get blind, stupid drunk, take drugs, fight and/or say those things the handbrake of sobriety stops rolling down that hill. Often all of these in the same household.
Oddly enough it has been 'quieter' than the usual bank holiday shenanigans. But we've had our times out with the bods in blue and the paradiddlemedics, to the delight of the neighbouring curtain twitchers who book front row seats and order the popcorn in.
Doors kicked in, domestics and threats to kill oneself/significant other/cousin/"That bloke there"....
In between we have had a variety of people who would like a few weeks in hospital for 'a rest'. It is hard enough getting those who are genuinely acutely ill into hospital, so those who are overly keen to get in are obviously viewed with deep suspicion. The questions that come to mind are:
1. Are you in trouble with the law?
2. Are you in trouble with the local dealers.
3. Impending / Are homeless?
4. Run out of money because all spent on drugs/ booze/ horses / all of these?
5. Responsibility for oneself is an alien concept for you?
6. All of the above?

Sadly for them our remit is to keep people in the community and treat them at home 24/ most of the above who have no genuine mental health problems are moved on.
We also work closely with our colleagues in A&E and are frequently asked to cast an eye over the people who have unfortunately lost/ missed/ mislaid their script for methodone or are struck with mysterious conditions for which large amounts of valium is their preferred solution.
It's strange how their names and addresses vary as well as their story dependant upon the interviewer and this just happened to occur over a bank holiday weekend...
It is enough to make one cynical....thank god we return to normal service tomorrow.

n.b. We do get more than enough with genuine MH problems and we happily get stuck in, sleeves rolled up and a song on our lips....and they are usually glad to remain at home in familiar and safe surroundings.


Friday, April 06, 2007



One year old today and toddling at a rate of knots with a saggy nappy around it's knees and a great big slice of birthday cake squished in it's grubby fist which was licked surreptitiously by the dog.

I haven't blogged every day because of work or social commitments....or sheer bloody laziness or a non-functioning mind devoid of ideas. Mind you, that hasn't yet stopped me from writing.

Well, the beer has been brewed and is now safely in the bottles as well as a good bit over myself, the cats and the floor. Bloody siphon...there must be an easier way to transfer the beer.
Unfortunately, I used Mrs.C's sugar when I brewed, not realising until too late that it was not straightforward Tate & Lyle, but a new 'Lite sugar' with fewer calories. The beer will be crap 'interesting' when it comes the time for consumption.
More OU studies today....I am beginning to realise how much of a task I have taken on with little time to socialise because of the studies, both OU and the psychotherapy group. However, I keep telling myself of the benefits to come...what were they again?
Last night Mrs.C and I had a few beers and, having lost our quiz team (musical differences) we were reduced to two last night but we fought the good fight and came a credible...harumph...mumble..mumble...The beer was good as always.
I am off to collapse in front of the box as je suis tres fatigue.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


"I said 'Oi Chas, No! The early eighteenth century was not a particularly good time for the design of barbeques...too rococo and the satay sauce gets'll never ascend the throne with lazy thinking' ". After the first two weeks in a dingy cell it became more comfortable. The rats by royal appointment nibbled at my appendages, the dry crusts were suitably organic and only the finest Cornish rainwater, or so I was reliably informed. That phase in the early eighties hardened my republican views or rather, re. publicans...all jolly good chaps if they stock real ale and give discounts. However, I have been informed on many occasions by my good friend Dave the Greensman that this phase lasted only the one night following the ingestion of a particularly powerful hallucinogenic mushroom or ten and, that it didn't really happen! The recovery of memories programme I enlisted on with the Reverand Moon is solid proof this really did take place or I am a Martian moon frog....."Ribbit".

'Dave the Greensman'.

I still get flashbacks....I am back amongst the dark green foliage, the dank drip-drip of water the only sound in the sudden silence that descended upon us as we sweated in the 100 degree heat. The smell of rank sweat, fear and ....who farted? I'll never forget that week in CentreParcs...I wake some mornings at three and I scream in abject fear...

Then the alarm goes and I waken to the dulcet tones of Sarah 'Big panty' Kennedy.


Sunday, April 01, 2007


I've just realised that I have been blogging for nearly a year.

Good grief, nearly a years worth of inane drivel and a grand audience of two people occasionally popping in and then hurriedly leaving. Nothing to report...a quiet Sunday and apart from some OU work I have read the papers or listened to the radio. I watched Louis Theroux and I still cannot believe that family. Otherwise the garden was tidied up and a very kindly neighbour shredded the remnants of the tree. I'm orf to the land of zed.